Publicly Fat in Australia - Part 3

The following story was submitted by BFB member rainalee.

Continued from part 2.

You read to gain knowledge and maybe even understanding of the other. In return you can ask what you always wanted to know. But beware that the book is reading you as much as you are reading the book...

-- Living Library on "readers"

I was 'borrowed' almost straight away by a petite, beautiful woman from Indonesia, who wanted to know what it was like being me. She assumed I wouldn't be able to do most things (go to the cinema, fly on planes, go swimming) and was surprised to hear I had done/was doing all those things. After asking me quite a lot of questions, she shared with me her childhood when she was ten kg lighter than her current weight, and how her parents wouldn't let her eat dinner because she would 'get fat'. Instead she watched everyone else eat and was given a half glass of milk. She was very open to understanding that our notions of 'normal' and 'average' were not probably correct, and that people came in all shapes and sizes.

The 'librarian' actually had to stop our conversation as I was 'booked' for my next session! And so it went - I was busy for the whole time!

I had a wide variety of people 'read' me - from a woman who was quite tall/thin and said she varied in weight up and down ten kg, but how she hated herself when she was at the high end and didn't know how to stop wasting the energy on it -- she wanted to know how I had moved from being focused on body size to just getting on with life -- to a self-confessed exercise fanatic who at first didn't understand how I could be fat while having had such a history of 'successful' dieting (i.e. long periods of very little calorific intake), but was very, very open to listen, and ended up saying she wanted to get back to me and support the idea of a HAES group on campus(!).

Another person I talked with was an 18-year old recovering anorexic/bulimic who wanted to talk to me about body acceptance in teens, and wants to eventually go out into the schools and talk to teens about body image and acceptance, discrimination, and how healthy bodies are all shapes and sizes.

Most were shocked when I said I had received insults, attacks, been belittled by people I didn't know, abused by doctors.

One of the women who talked to me was talking about stereotypes, and I said that people had assumed that I was dirty, smelly, un-organised, out of control and unintelligent. Her response was, "Well, I can understand the first things...but you are so not unintelligent!" and then she realised what she said.

I said, "Well, actually, I'm none of the other things either," (with a smile, because I knew she didn't mean it as an insult) and just paused for a moment. I could see the proverbial penny drop for her. Because even though she considered herself as enlightened, she had bought into all those stereotypes.

She told me afterwards that she assumed I spoke regularly to groups about fat acceptance, and when I said it was my first time, she was stunned. She told me I should!

There was a lot of discussion about the media's connection of 'health' with 'losing weight,' and people were quite open to believe that a fat person can be healthy - mainly because they probably see me doing a lot of stuff around campus and I'm obviously not unhealthy.

The second-last person I talked to was a fat woman who was bigger and taller than I am. I have actually spoken to her a little around campus before, but we haven't really talked about the experience of being fat. This was the hardest session for me.

She came to the session to talk to another fat person about how terrible the New South Wales government was because it won't put WLS on the public health scheme...so she can't afford it. "And I just need to get the weight off. If I got the weight off, I could do so much...you know what I mean - you are there, you are feeling the same things," (argh.)

I wasn't even sure what to say to her, because I have so been there, but I'm so not there anymore! I did mention that maybe in her quest to be 'healthier' (her euphemism for losing weight), that having weight loss surgery with its poor 'success'-rate, and myriad complications, she would end up unhealthier than she was at the moment.

I tried to bring it back to acceptance so many times, but realised she wasn't hearing me (which was very frustrating). So I found some common ground (inability to buy clothes in our town) and shared what I had done to fix that (buying from Ebay/online sites), and then talked about being proactive in changing circumstances -- instead of waiting to 'get thin' before doing anything.

I think I did help a little and I promised to give her some resources - one of which was the book If Not Dieting, Then What?, which started me on the path to acceptance that I was fat, and not a thin person trapped in a fat body. I know the book is not perfect, by any means, but it helped put a big chink in my armour, and has for other people I know as well, so I thought it might be a good starting-point for her, since she just was on a totally different plane than where I am currently.

But I did battle in my head afterwards, wondering if I said the right things to people, whether I did educate in any way, whether I helped. And the day afterwards I had a bingeing episode which was just nuts (haven't done that in years!) I don't know whether it was a reaction, or if thinking about it all just catapulted me back into that mindset, or what. But I'm ok now, and back to believing that it was a very positive experience. It helped that the people who participated were there to confront their own prejudices, and were open (mostly.)

There was recognition amongst the 'librarians' that I was the book that was most likely to receive negative reactions, and they were quite concerned about me afterwards, offering me counseling if I needed it (!), but I told them I was fine, and the people were great.

'Readers' gave feedback to the librarians that they had been really challenged and had changed their minds about quite a few things. It was confronting, challenging, positive and negative, all rolled up into one. And if I had the chance to do it again, I would, like a shot.

There seems to be so little FA in Australia – it’s just not heard about here (at least not where I am!) I think people look at me as though I’m crazy when I first say that I’m not on a diet, and have no intention of being on one. I don’t think of myself as brave. It’s just like I’ve woken up from a bad dream and finally ‘get it.'

I wish there were more opportunities to talk to people about this. Too often it's because someone abuses me, tries to tell me I should be dieting, suggests WLS or similar…and then I get defensive. This was completely different, and was really good.

Someone said to me before I did this, that it was great that I was going to be 'publicly fat,' and that just stuck with me as such a wonderful phrase. So during the living library when people asked me if I spoke like this other times I said "no, this is my first time being publicly fat!" and then laughed (because of course I'm publicly fat all the time, because I'm fat and I'm out there doing stuff!)

It made me think that all of us that are out there, just living our lives and getting on with it instead of obsessing on limitations, abusive people, diets, etc., are being some sort of activists whether we realise it or not -- because we are speaking with our lives.
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The Living Library started in Denmark as a project to fight prejudice and discrimination. If you're interested in hosting a Living Library in your town, you can find information at The Living Library website.

After reading this whole story, I only have one thing to say to rainalee: You kick ass.