Fat people: please stop existing.
In forums, BFBer vidyapriya tipped us off that a University of Toronto student paper, The Newspaper, printed an article entitled "10 Reasons it's not OK to be fat." It's an unbelievable, almost stunningly perfect example of fat hatred.
1. Public health care - why should the rest of us have to pay high taxes for you to eat yourself to death?
2. Nobody likes you. Except for, possibly, other fat people.
3. Even if you're successful, it just means you'll have enough money to become a drug addict and kill yourself like Chris Farley.
4. Because I don't want to ever have to think about fat people again.
5. Not only do you frighten children, but you're also setting a bad example.
6. You ruin pictures.
7. You ruin moments.
8. The thought of you ever having sex single-handedly ruins the day of at least 50% of the people whom you meet.
9. Because only aircraft are meant to be equipped with flaps. Their flaps serve a purpose.
10. It's fucking disgusting.
As vidyapriya put it, "I can't bear it when a university campus -- usually the environment in which I feel most at home and accepted -- is used as the locus for the dissemination of speech telling me that I do not have the right to exist." And it starts, of course, with the time-honoured tradition of blaming fat people for rising health care costs, even though a recent study demonstrated that fat people actually cost the health care system less (presumably because we drop like flies under the burden of our fat, not because we refuse to use discriminatory health care services or because we have less access to health care, but that is another story for another day.)
And, hey, fat people -- were you aware that no one likes you? The people in your family don't count; your friends don't count; your spouses and allies of the fat acceptance movement don't count; and other fat people CERTAINLY don't count, as they're not really human to begin with. (Plus they smell. Or they don't live long enough to have opinions that matter -- however you prefer to look at it.)
Picking on dead people who can't defend themselves is another time-honoured tradition in fat hatred. Haha! Chris Farley is a dead fat guy! Who had a drug problem! And really, there have never been fat people who succeeded in anything, anyway. Obviously, I can understand why you'd never want to think about fat people again, given that they're so well-represented in the media.
And ruining pictures...
And ruining "moments," whatever those are...
And forcing everyone I meet to imagine me having sex...
And flapping my ailerons with no regard for decency...
And, of course, being disgusting, in a general fucking way.
Dear anonymous article-writer, you forgot some things:
-smarter and funnier than you
Or you could have tried being honest instead:
10 Reasons I hate fat people.
1. Because thin people remain that way only through constant feats of heroic self-control.
2. Because fat bloggers are getting attention from the mainstream media and I still write for this shitty campus paper.
3. Because Chris Farley looks better in a Chippendales uniform than I do.
4. Because it harshes my mellow when people who look different than me demand "equal treatment."
5. Because when adults express personal autonomy by eating and exercising on their own terms, IT HURTS BABIES.
6. Because fat people's heads don't show up in photos, just like vampires don't show up in mirrors.
7. Because my fat roommate interrupted me having a "moment" with back issues of Cat Fancy.
8. Because I feel a powerful sexual attraction to fat people and am desperately overcompensating.
9. Because I thought of this really clever metaphor and needed to write an anonymous article to use it after I repeated it seven times to every person I encountered and they all told me to go away and stop touching them or they would call campus security.
10. Because my editor laughed at me for pulling my pants down when she said we had a couple inches to fill.