Alli Buyers: "They're not fat."
...So said the manager of a Walgreens in Santa Monica, California, where alli - the over-the-counter anal leakage weight loss drug - is selling well. 90 capsules, 60 bucks.
The tone of the piece suggests that buyers don't care about anal leakage; they just care if it works or not. And I'm sure, so sure, that this will be the one that works. Yep. Sad.
"I've tried so many other things," said Monique Brown, a Santa Monica legal secretary who says she's been through Metabolife, CortiSlim and various products, some of which made her jittery. She dreams of losing 30 pounds.
At least, alli won't make her jittery, she said. "I'm just willing to give it a try. There are side effects to a lot of things…. I work in an office and I sit all day. There's a bathroom right there. We've all worked together a long time. If you have to go, you have to go."
What if you don't make it in time, though? I mean... really. Is it worth just 3 pounds?
I do give a little credit to this person's quote, though:
"Let's eat a salad and go to the gym. I don't need anal leakage," said wardrobe stylist Luisa Dalmagro, nursing a coffee drink and sharing a piece of cake with Melissa Shapiro, an interior decorator, at a Starbucks in Brentwood.
While the salad/gym mentality is, frankly, lame the quote "I don't need anal leakage" should absolutely be a selling point for a counter-alli campaign.
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Posted by paul on June 15, 2007
Wow, I'm glad I don't work in her office. I wonder will it ever end. This shouldn't even be on the market. I mean meth is great for weight loss and there isn't even any leakage, so maybe she should give that a try. I mean being addicted is a side affect but lots of things have side affects. Geez. I'm so glad I've accepted myself for who I am and for what I weigh so I don't have the ups and downs and the excitement when new weight loss stuff comes out. One thing can be said about fat people, they also have hope.
the quote "I don't need anal leakage" should absolutely be a selling point for a counter-alli campaign.
And a T-shirt.
I would absolutely wear the "I don't need anal leakage" tshirt.
Wow. "I'm close to a bathroom so I don't care if I suddenly shit my pants?" Does this lady hear herself? That's a rhetorical question, of course. All many women can hear is the persistent drumbeat of the brainwash: Mustbethinmustbethinmustbethin. Or die trying.
Yuk.
It's proably useless to point out to the other woman that I also eat veggies and go to the gym, but I'm still fat. Not that I would. It's none of her business, and I don't owe her an excuse.
I can't think of anything desirable about this drug, from price to side effects to the end result it may or may not achieve. I looked at their website where they talk about the hard work of losing weight, and the commitment you must take to make changes along with taking this drug, including eating only 15 MG of fat per meal. What? If you're already eating that little amount of fat, that's a very low fat diet. So what is the benefit of having that 15 MG swept out of your system like (as they describe it) the oil you see on top of pizza?
Yick.
Alli Website
When I saw this at Walgreen and read the side effects, I realized that it was basically a pill to give you fatty foods intolerance. You know, a really bad side effect that can sometimes come from gall bladder surgery. When my fiancé was going in to have his gall bladder removed, the surgeon was talking to us, saying he understands how bad these side effects are but that there's no way to live with that much pain. And that's really what it's about, right? Fatty foods intolerance is a payoff that you'll live with if it means getting rid of a lot of pain - like the pain you inflict upon yourself daily when you feel you're too fat.
Yeah, it was kind of sickening how *every* drugstore circular (plus most of the Target-esque stores as well) in this Sunday's paper was fronted by a big picture of alli. Sickening and sad.
EDIT: I just took a look at the alli message boards and talk about sad. The poster who talks about the highfat/low carb diet and how "if you're pooping you're losing". *shakes head in disbelief*
Yeesh. I checked out the "bulletin board" on the alli website - anal leakage abounds! They're calling the episodes "alli-oops" which is a cute way of describing greasy goop leaking out of your ass. Loads of helpful hints for avoiding embarassment, though - just wear a pantyliner to catch the grease leaking out of your butt-cheeks - tres chic!
"alli-opps" Why can't people see what a load of ....alli this is. People will believe anything when packaged correctly. If I have to eat right and exercise what the heck do I need dripping poop pill for?
I caught the buzz about this new drug a few days ago, and all I can say is... remember Olestra potato chips? Do they still even sell those? I remember when they came out on the market a decade ago, and my boyfriend at the time was sooooo excited to try them. We rushed out to buy a bag, settled on the couch to watch tv and enjoy a little nosh, and an hour later... were fighting over who got to use the toilet first. Ugh, the experience put me off "fat blocking" foods forever.... It actually put me off all potato chips for a long, long time.
If a person has got it into her deep unconscious that she is hate-able and that it is her fat that makes her that way, it makes perfect sense that the disgusting parts of her be removed in hateful ways. Let's have doctors cut us and bleed for the way we hate ourselves. Let's die for it. Let's crap our pants uncontrollably. Let's suffer for hours at the gym. Let's vomit our nourishment. And so on.
Will social historians of the future look at this time we're in and compare it to the era of the Black Plague, when penitents walked the roads flailing themselves? I don't know about you, but I'm kinda scared.
It makes me so incredibly sad that there are people - and I'm guessing, in our society, mostly women - who are so desperate to "be thin" that they're willing to put up with these kind of horrible side effects.
Think about it: people are willing to make themselves fecally incontinent in the interest of PERHAPS losing 5 to 7 pounds on this thing. (And also - what about the fat-soluble vitamins, like Vitamin D? Aren't they getting swept out of the system as well? And what about the essential fatty acids and the Omega-3s?). That's seriously screwed up - of course I'm preaching to the choir here, but I still can't get over how screwed up it is that grown women would elect to do something that carries with it the risk of needing to wear adult diapers JUST to maybe lose some weight.
I would be willing to bet that if they came out with a drug that made people lose weight, but at the expense of 20 to 30 IQ points, people'd be lining up to take THAT.